I hate how cliche this sounds, but I have had such a whirlwind of adventure lately I wouldn’t know which one to start for this assignment. So I’ll pick my favorite.
I’m unlearning perfection, and it is exactly as much fun as it sounds. I want to take this opportunity to document, publicly, how I’ve done that.
Think of this list as a Best Of album of all of my screw-ups:
- I picked the wrong college. My first adult decision right after high school and I royally screwed it up. I did my freshman year at Texas Wesleyan, which, is a great school. It turns out I really just needed a bigger challenge, and ironically, I made that decision because I knew it was a small school and I wanted to be number one. It turns out I get bored if there are only fifty other people I’m competing with.
- I hit a deer with my car on election night and then hit my head and didn’t even know Donald Trump won until like, two days later.
- I stay up late to watch “The Office.” Even if I’m super tired.
- I took a job I hated at a real estate office to compensate for the whole “wrong” college debacle. Choosing the wrong job to cancel out choosing the wrong college does not a perfectionist make.
- Sometimes I just lay in my bed.
- I gained 10 pounds. I needed to. I have really cute cheeks.
- I think I spend $30 more a month on water than I need to because I take a shower and a bath everyday. I was never perfect at math, so I’m okay with not being sure. But taking baths and showers make me happy so they’re worth it.
- I should have been getting my eyebrows threaded instead of waxed.
- I work at an eyelash studio now. It’s not a Very Important Political internship and I’m okay with that. I love getting paid to talk about how pretty women are.
- It’s apparently really obnoxious to go to school and announce how much you got accomplished on how little sleep. Also bad for your health.
- I always just buy the shoes.
- I eat Ben and Jerry’s and stay up late with my friends.
- I learned you get so much more out of life my being nice.
- I finally told my boyfriend the truth about my shoe size.
- I’m okay with the gap in my teeth. I never lose anybody because I can whistle very loud through it. That’s called adaptation, people.
- I got a C in physics. I was thrilled.
- These “mess ups” are not as dramatic or interesting as I would have liked for them to have sounded two years ago, and I just realized how content I am with that normalcy.